For centuries, a single riddle has plagued mankind: who is thick enough to schedule a meeting and then not show up? On Thursday February 5, mankind received an answer to this question, the International Socialist Review. As I walked to Willard Straight Hall in the intense cold and fluctuating snowfall to view their latest lecture on the supposed failings of the capitalist system, I thought to myself, “Ok Joe, the one thing you do know is they will show up to their own meeting. My religious faith prevents me from believing there exist life forms so overwhelmingly absent-minded and disorganized as to not show up and not tell anyone about it. They will be there, and they will lie for two hours.” I repeated that thought over and over again, until I at last reached the Willard Straight Art Gallery 15 minutes before the scheduled start of the meeting.
To my surprise, no one was there. Oh well, I figured, it is snowing, they may be a bit late. Then came 7:30, and still no one appeared. My heart began to drop. 7:40 saw no movement. My soul began to die a painful death. 7:50-no sentient life forms. Beginning to hear voices. 8:00 rolls around. Red is blue, black is white, hello is goodbye, the Mets won the World Series, I begin to sweat profusely, hold a conversation with the bathroom door, and my faith in humanity is all but naught. Finally, I take action, and book it out of Willard Straight before my psychopathic urges consume me.
Part of me does not blame the Socialists though. If I was going to lie through my teeth about a false panacea to a bunch of hippies and clueless college students, I wouldn’t want to show up either. This event, though it answers one riddle, leaves us with another: If a group of people fails to do something as simple as attend their own meeting, who would trust them with something more serious?
