Not good enough, Cornell

After 707 days of COVID restrictions, after two classes of Cornellians left Ithaca without a proper farewell, following the arrival of two new generations of students to a university hollowed of its traditions and customs, the sages of Day Hall have finally offered relief.  

Surveillance testing is dead, but not without asterisks.  In exchange for receiving three doses of the COVID vaccine (with a potential fourth dose along the way), students need not submit to a weekly invasion of their nasal passages.  As before, Cornell’s mercy is in short supply, only dispensed to those who follow her every whim.  The screws have tightened for the unfortunate eleven percent of students who hold out against the vaccine or booster, who are now required to test twice per week.  Additionally, unboosted Cornellians must continue to mask, test when returning from travel, and test when experiencing symptoms.  Boosted students are required to follow… the same procedures.

In short, Cornell is more than content to sacrifice surveillance testing, arguably the least arduous element of the university’s COVID regimen, to keep the dystopia alive.  As every other elite institution and COVID-cautious state relents on masks, Cornell merely “monitors local, state, and national developments.”  Cornell, if not now, then when?

Cornellians have dutifully followed each of the Administration’s guidelines for two years, surrendering the first or final years of their college lives to satiate the hypochondriac delusions of the lawsuit-conscious administrators in Day Hall.  In return, Cornell has periodically slackened restrictions only to, like clockwork, reinstitute them with fury.

Yet, students have responded to this paltry offering with unbounded enthusiasm, even echoing through the normally COVID-conscious r/Cornell subreddit.  We have all reacted to this decision as starving buzzards, content to feast upon scraps instead of demanding Cornell to follow the lead of its sister institutions.

We must not forget that Cornell’s whims are fickle, and simply accepting surveillance testing as dead neglects the Administration’s habit of reversing itself.  Recall the University’s October announcement reassuring students that “Cornell is not requiring … a booster.”  Two months and the mild Omicron variant later, the Administration changed its mind, a striking case of déjà vu from the summer, when Delta inspired the reimposition of the mask mandate.

There’s a pattern in the long history of the University’s actions whenever a new variant comes along: restrict first and science later.  From the outset of Omicron, the variant was clearly less dangerous than Delta or even the initial wave of COVID-19 in the Spring of 2020; however, Cornell went to DEFCON 1, canceling graduation, moving finals online, and requiring the booster for Spring ’22.

The Administration’s response to Omicron should provide a lesson to students: be wary of any official promise to end COVID restrictions.  The past year has made apparent that Cornell’s administration, as I wrote in October, is “inherently risk-averse … [they] will never stick their necks out lest they be buried in hundreds of lawsuits.”  Even if Koretzky & Co. finally allow the masks to come off, as they did in June ’21, what will prevent the powers that be from forcing them back on, as in July ’21.  Cornell’s intransigence on setting firm goalposts for when the restrictions will die without the possibility of resurrection is a strong indication of their desire to keep this authority forever.

COVID is endemic, the risk of catching COVID and suffering from it severely will be forever baked into the cake of life.  The University’s risk-averse predisposition renders it incapable of accepting that risk for any length of time.  I implore you, do not take this most recent redirection of the winds as anything less fickle than the squalls that frequent this beautiful town.  We cannot count on Cornell to free us from COVID dystopia; the restrictions will continue until resistance improves.